Rice

A simple piece of advice. If you plan on ever coming to the Land of the Rising Sun make sure you have enough time to get sick of the rice. If you happen to leave Japan before consuming at least 15 metric tons of gohan (cooked rice) you can rest assured that the rest of your life will be quite miserable. Let me explain.

Japanese rice is unlike anything you have ever experienced. Ever. Nothing you have ever eaten before in the entirety of your life can prepare you for the overwhelming experience of Japanese rice. Now don't get confused, it's not immediately overwhelming. It's not like an explosion in your mouth. You won't pass out, or see images of God or Jesus while staring gape-jawed at the ceiling with a mouth full of white gold. What it will do is slowly encode into your DNA taste-bud receptors that require constant satisfaction or else you will experience the worst withdrawals you have ever experienced in your life.

Now you may be thinking, "Big deal, I've eaten rice before AND done heroine, I'm not scared." Keep thinking that. Think that all the way back on your 10 hour flight home, the 45 minute trip through the airport, the hour-long commute home, keep that thought until you're all cosey in bed, ready to fall asleep. Then, at 2am when you wake up with cold sweats wondering why your teeth hurt, you will realize the truth of my words. Don't believe me? Go out to an American sushi restaurant. ANY American sushi restaurant, see that shit they wrap the sushi with? That's not seaweed, and that's definitely not rice. Go ahead, taste it. Taste it and let your mind wander back to that very first time you had real Japanese rice. You were so innocent then, you didn't know. You couldn't know that you were condemning yourself to a life of never being satisfied with any other rice eating experience. It's ok, I was there once too. It's why I'm in Japan now. I couldn't live without my fix.

But there is hope! It's a difficult path, not many will walk it. Most will unwittingly lock themselves into a life of misery, but maybe you're different. You could be the one. It requires a firm mind and a strong stomach. You have to eat all the rice. All of it. You must eat gohan until you feel sick, until you are sick, until you think you will die, and for some until you die. Trust me death is a better alternative than living a life without Japanese rice. If you make it, if you can eat all the rice, then you have a chance at burning out the coded DNA rice receptors. Once those are gone you won't have the cravings. Normal, American, crappy rice will taste normal again. You'll be happy. Content.

Though the risks are many the momentary pleasures that Japanese rice give us are great. Whether it's gohan, mochi, or cooked in any of a million other ways (those Nihon-jin sure are crafty little buggers!) it is delicious. This cannot be denied.

~=^=~